<3 Happy Valentines Day <3........

.....you utter morons.

Now, far be it for me to return to the blogosphere after such a lengthy absence and open with a rant against one of the most beloved days in the current slump of human culture, but...here we are.

I have been looking at the news and the general unsuspecting populace, and the sights and sounds being laid bare before my startlingly glorious visage is mortifying. People from all walks of life are going around celebrating Valentines Day...like its some kind of holiday!

Now call me old-fashioned and a hopeless romantic, but am I the only one who finds something wrong with devoting an entire day to 'Love'? This may sound the indescribably cringe-worthy cliche...but cannot everyday be a day to celebrate love? Why do we need a special day, just so we may be rudely reminded at every television channel and gift/greeting card shop that 'Go beat your wife/girlfriend/significant other some other day. Today, go home with a bouquet of flowers and one of our official licensed cards and wallow in the glorious light of love. Then tomorrow you can go beat that little shit!'

I mean, there are people hungry and dying and those that have not felt the warmth of love all their lives simply because they were born in a poor household, and we feel it necessary to shell out hundreds if not thousands of units of our [apparently] useless cash on cards with a big teddy bear with a heart shaped chest! Oh, and don't forget the boxed candy and ridiculously overpriced stuffed toy. You know that your girlfriend will leave your sorry ass for your best friend's father's cousin's dad if you don't give her a 'Hallmark Valentines'. Right?

For a few seconds of this 'love'ly day, stop and think about what you're doing. You are giving away your hard-earned/stolen/received cash on something that you don't even need. You are, in actuality, doing what multi-national conglomerates like Hallmark and Archie's [last time I checked...that was a comic book you 'tards] wants you to do. That is, pay them.

Valentines Day is the second-most commercialized event in human history, second only to the materialistic event that was once known as Christmas. The history behind Valentines Day is long and I'd rather not get into it, but let's just say that some poor Saint or something got screwed over. At least the greeting card companies are enjoying raping that poor man's special day to reach the end of their own nefarious plans...possibly to control humankind in some post-1984 kind of way.

Now that I have opened your eyes and minds to the copious amounts of excretion that had previously taken up a substantial...no, make that gargantuan portion of your seemingly love-struck minds, take my much needed advice: Today, go home just as usual and instead of beating your significant other for his/her trifle failings, give her/him a kiss. And tell him/her/them/it that you love her/them/him/it. And then tomorrow, at least once before and at least once after work or school or whatever it is that you waste time on in-between reading my blog, repeat the previous step. And continue that for the rest of your natural lives.

I promise that your divorce papers* will mysteriously disappear.

Ciao.

*Restraining orders may or may not be filed against you either. It all depends on a)Whether you are on good terms with your significant other, b)Whether or not your significant other knows your existance beyond the obscene phone calls and scary letters left at the foot of her bed...on the 27th floor.